Most conversations in a chat room are exactly what they look like: people passing the time, practising a language, or looking for company. A small number are not. The habits below take very little effort and remove almost all of the risk.
Decide what you share before you start
It is much easier to keep a rule you made in advance than to decide in the middle of a friendly conversation. Before you enter a room, treat the following as things you do not give to people you have only met online:
- Your full name, home address, workplace or school.
- Your phone number and your main e-mail address.
- Passwords, verification codes sent by SMS, and anything about your bank or cards.
- Photos of documents: passport, residence permit, ID card, driving licence.
- Your exact daily routine, such as when you are home alone or when you travel.
None of this stops you from having a real conversation. You can talk about your city without your street, your job without your employer, and your family without their names.
Use a nickname that is only a nickname
A good chat name tells people nothing they could search for. Avoid your surname, your year of birth and the username you use on Instagram or Telegram. If the same name appears on several services, a stranger can connect them in a few minutes and learn far more about you than you intended. Our guide on choosing a nickname goes into more detail.
Keep the conversation where the rules are
Inside a moderated chat room you can block a person, report a message, and simply leave: the other person knows only your nickname and has no way to reach you outside the chat. (The chat service itself does keep some records, such as messages and technical data; they are listed in the privacy policy.) The moment you move to a private messenger, you hand over a phone number or an account that is much harder to take back. Someone who insists on leaving the chat within the first few minutes, especially while refusing to say much about themselves, is giving you a reason to slow down.
Learn the early warning signs
People who intend harm tend to behave in recognisable ways. Be alert when someone:
- Becomes very affectionate very quickly, or says you are different from everyone else after ten minutes.
- Asks for photos, and pushes when you say no.
- Tells a story that ends with a request for money, a gift card, or help moving money.
- Asks you to keep the conversation secret from friends or family.
- Gets angry or tries to make you feel guilty when you set a limit.
- Sends a link and wants you to open it or log in "to see something".
One of these on its own may be nothing. Two or three together are a pattern, and the right response is to stop replying. The article on scams and fake profiles explains how these stories usually unfold.
Be careful with photos, links and files
A photo can show more than your face: a street sign behind you, a work badge, a letter on the table. Look at the background before you send anything. Never send a picture you would not want to see forwarded, because once it leaves your phone you no longer control it.
Treat links from strangers with the same caution. A page that looks like a familiar login screen but arrived through a chat message is a classic way to steal accounts. If you want to check something, type the address of the real site yourself.
Voice and video calls
A call feels more personal than text, which is exactly why it deserves a moment of thought. Accept calls only from people you have already talked to for a while. Check what the camera can see behind you. Remember that the other person can record their screen, so the rule for photos applies to video as well.
If something goes wrong
You do not owe anyone an explanation for ending a conversation. If a person makes you uncomfortable:
- Stop replying. Arguing gives them what they want.
- Save what you need: a screenshot with the name and the time is enough.
- Block the user so they cannot write to you again.
- Report them to the moderators so that other people are protected too.
If you have already sent money or a photo and are now being threatened, do not pay and do not negotiate. Keep the messages, tell someone you trust, and contact the police in the country where you live. Threatening to publish private images is a crime in most countries, and paying almost never makes it stop.
Meeting in person
If a friendship from a chat room turns into a plan to meet, keep it simple and public. Choose a busy place, go there and leave on your own, and tell a friend where you will be and when you expect to be back. A person with good intentions will understand all of this without being asked twice.
The short version: share slowly, stay inside the chat until you trust someone, never send money or codes, and use block and report without hesitation. Safety in a chat room is mostly a matter of being willing to leave.